This one is for all the feelers out there.
Sometimes I get really embarrassed of my emotions. I feel as if when God made me, he set the manual on my tear ducts as 60 percent higher than the rest of the world, and the delicacy of my heart was adjusted to the fragile setting. On most weeks, I cry at commercials, puppies, and guaranteed at least once at church. And to be honest, sometimes I don’t even know why I am crying, and I feel like a crazy person. Some days, it sort of seems like there is some defect in me and that I was made too sensitive, and I fear that I feel too much.
If you’re anything like me, you try to mask these emotions and pretend that you don’t feel things as much as you do, because for whatever reason, we feel some sense of shame with feeling too much, with being human, vulnerable and exposed.
This morning though, I found comfort in these words from Ezekiel
“ I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh,” declares the Lord.
I know what it feels like to have a heart of stone. There have been times in my life when I have been completely numb- numb to my own cares and the needs of others, and there is ironically, nothing more painful than numbness. So although my emotions sometimes make me feel crazy, they matter because God created me to be human, not a robot.
God did not create robots, he created emotional beings with of flesh and bone, heart and spirit. Robots depend on themselves. Humans depend on their Savior, who knows first hand what it looks like to feel things.
The word became flesh, and dwelt among us.
Our God became human, and he is a God who knows what joy, suffering, weeping, bleeding, and smiling feel like.
I can say fully that some of my most human, vulnerable, emotional moments are the times in which I have seen and experienced the glory of God most fully, when my heart was softened to break for those around me and fall at the feet of my Father.
I was not created for logic alone. God created me with a head and a heart. In a world that chooses stability, that says I need to be strong and defensive, I choose to embrace my emotional self. I praise God for my tears, I praise him for my laughter, I praise him for my “too much”, for my empathy, for my heart of flesh, and for my humanness.